I have a larger than average family now, which is still kind of whiplash inducing because I also have a young-ish marriage and student loans. But then I look in the mirror and the bagging and sagging confirms to me that I am indeed advancing into veteran territory, if not by actual mileage logged then by crash-course cumulative hours accrued. So.

I’ve made no secret that one of the secrets to happy(er) motherhood, for me, has been learning to do things with my kids, and okay, yes, sometimes in spite of them…but not to stop doing x or y simply because z minivan is filled to the brim.

Some examples of this include concert-going (when the venue permits), bar-hopping (when there’s space under the chair rail to accommodate a little car seat stashing, and, you guessed it, grocery shopping.

If you choose to prowl the aisles at 10pm for peace of mind and the luxury of an entire empty cart ready to receive your produce and dry goods, power to you. I have plenty of friends who can think of plenty of things they’d rather do besides take all – or any – of their kids shopping with them. And I get that, I really do.

Here’s my rationale though. As a consummate introvert who is always craving solitude and downtime and refreshment, I already find grocery shopping kind of overstimulating. Any kind of shopping, truth be told. So the difference between taking the kids with me or escaping for a solo trip is minimal in terms of stress relieved, for me. Sometimes I actually feel more panicky at the Bullseye sans offspring, because I have a limitless budget, if not of actual fund$, but of time and options. And that is stressful! Tell me you’ve ever gotten that shallow-breathed, chest tightening sensation as you piled stuff into your cart, realizing that the only limitation was your dwindling checking account balance? When I have a ticking toddler time bomb in my cart and a finite list of must-grabs, my competitive drive kicks in and my brain switches into mission mode. It’s go time. I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more Joe’s O’s.

So there’s the useless backstory for you. Apologies for that.

I mainly shop these days at Costco and Trader Joe’s, two widely-disparate retail outlets if ever there were. One boasts the double cart, the membership card, and the bulk chicken breast offerings that will get a family of 6 safely through the month on a single meat run. The other? Carts so small that an elderly cat woman shopping solo can hardly gather enough provisions for her week.

But. There is something inherently good about Trader Joe’s precisely because of the limitations on size and selection. And that’s part of what keeps me coming back, along with the lack of preservatives and additives in their food and their rocking prices on organic. And Buttercup. Okay, and endless stickers and suckers and amazing staff who valet your groceries to your car, compliment your children, and return your cart for you, spouting off verbal affirmations all the while.

(Gosh, I’m long-winded this morning. I blame my newfound creative energy saved from social media abstinence.)

Anyway, we go about 6x’s/month to TJ’s, and here’s what I almost always and exclusively buy there:

Organic whole milk: at $5/gallon, it’s cheaper than any other organic option out there (we don’t have Aldi’s in Denver). And it’s delicious, or so I’m told by the 2 people in our household who can actually drink it. Luke has me in the ranks of the lactose intolerant these days, so I just cast a longing eye at the fatty white stuff while enjoying my …

Unsweetened vanilla almond milk: I’m sure there’s stuff in this that isn’t great for you, but my dairy free husband and preschooler love it/tolerate it, and it has fewer ingredients than the big-name varieties.

Cage free brown eggs: I prefer brown chickens, and from what I understand, if eggs are cage free and boast that little “California-something-something compliant” rating, the chickens are actually wandering around with a little grass under their talons. Which makes the eggs taste better, truly, and is better for the girls. And these average about $3.29/dozen, which is actually a great price, Avian flu considered. (We go through about 2-3 dozen/week. Don’t tell the FDA.)

Kerrygold butter: Luke won’t let me eat it lately, but it’s so good you almost tear up when spreading it on toast, and it’s $3 at TJ’s, which is $4 cheaper than almost any other store. I guess they have a noncompete clause with Leprechauns.

GF waffles: $1.99 for 8, they don’t taste terrible, and while nobody’s GF in our immediate family, these are also dairy free, and my nephew can eat them when he’s over.

Blue corn tortilla chips: because when they’re blue, they’re good for you! A lie I tell myself almost every day while eating tortilla chips for lunch. Whatever, they’re delicious.

Pineapple salsa: we legitimately burn through 2 jars of this in 2-3 days, then my kids moan until I replenish the supply. It only has 2 grams of sugar which is kind of shocking, and I’m choosing not to do the math on serving sizes and just rest on my responsible laurels with that number in mind.

Original hummus: $1.99 per container, my kids will eat almost any vegetable when dipped in hummus. The end.

Pizza dough/sauce/mozzarella cheese/pepperoni: for around $8 you can squeak out 2 big pizzas. We like to have the dough on hand ($1.29/bag and yes I know you can make your own for even less but time is money, people. And yeast is hard.) for making flat bread and for any surprise visits from my siblings, particularly Uncle Kenny who probably thinks it’s all we eat and who told me to write this blog post on how to shop at Trader Joe’s.

Tortellini and other dried pasta varietals: all their imported from Italy pastas are about as good as the real deal, but the tortellini stuffed with pesto is the bomb. And for under $2/package, it’s almost embarrassing how little you can spend on a really impressive Italian feast.

Basmati and/or jasmine rice: we have a huge 5 lb bag from Costco in the pantry right now which I’m not sorry about, but TJ’s has great prices on less Duggar-sized rice portions.

(Is anyone still interested? Is this the worst blog post I’ve ever written? Possibly. But watch it go viral on Pinterest…)

Beans, beans: black, pinto, great northern, garbanzo…they’ve got them all, and I buy 10 cans at a time and rinse them off before using them and pat myself on the back for still not ever learning how to soak and make my own beans. Because these bad boys are .$99 cents per can for organic, and whatever.

Peanut butter: their crunchy store brand is tolerably good, and has nothing besides peanuts and salt in it, which is how I like my fat spread.

Frozen veggies: sweet corn, french green beans, stir fry blend, mixed bell pepper blend, green peas. If you have those on hand, you can make basically any curry/fajita/stir fry dish on the planet. And they’re cheap and fresh.

coconut cream: I haven’t found a better tasting or better-priced option than this pantry staple that makes amazing curries and smoothies.

String cheese: “For the kids.” – K. McAllister

Uncured black forest ham: my kids eat … a lot of this. It is cheap, but not so cheap I fear that it includes ground goat meat.

California sprouted bread: almost as good as Ezekiel bread, which they no longer carry, and about half the price. Dairy free.

3-pack of dark (Belgian) chocolate bars: $1.49 and they are friggin delish. Vow to me right now never to eat Hershey’s chocolate again. Amen. p.s. they’re dairy freeeeee.

Produce: organic gala apples (usually $4/bag or less for about 8 of them, which is killer. And sometimes it’s as low as $1.99/bag!); clementines; navel oranges; bananas ($.19/apiece, which is really good); organic baby carrots (see how scattershot my organic-ing is? It’s not even dirty dozen driven, or whatever. It’s purely emotional/fiscal. #millenialparentingprobs); carrots of many colors (buy these, you won’t be sorry); pineapple; avocados; sweet onions; garlic; fresh basil (when it’s in stock, it’s under $2 for a 16 oz container which is ridiculous and what pesto and happiness are made of. Or you can buy the whole plant for around the same price and kill it yourself on your counter. Choose your own adventure); raw almonds (produce, yes? grows on trees?); raisins; lemons; limes; organic romaine lettuce and baby spinach (<– there she goes again); and one container each of mirepoix mix and the super 8 veggie mix, both great I-don’t-have-time-to-cook options for forming the base of stir fries, chilis, or soups.

And there you have it. That’s what we buy, almost without deviation, every single week. Sometimes the off bag of salt and vinegar chips or a needed spice or some honey mango shave lotion or honey pretzels or sea salt and dark chocolate almonds sneak their way into the now-overstuffed little red cart, but it varies.

We usually get away for under $90 bucks a pop, because you’ll notice I don’t buy meat there (Costco takes the protein-rich cake, and we try not to eat that much of it.)

So all that? It fits in the little red cart, barely, and with a baby seat crammed into the main compartment and a toddler riding dirty up top. Do we look ridiculous? Yes. Should I be wearing the baby to free up valuable real estate? Probably. But that’s how we roll right now, and we get in and out for under $100 and in under 30 minutes, so you really can’t beat that.

Plus, free stickers. (And an organic sucker if you find Buttercup.)

TJ’s 4evr

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