Browsing Tag

life in italy

Life in Italy, Parenting, toddlers

Raising Little Caesars

August 6, 2013

Okay it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but it’ll do.

I am admittedly no expert, having put in a paltry 8 months in market research, but I believe that application time could be stretched to 16 months, considering I’ve been going at it with two kids at once? No?

At any rate, I’m here to tell you about parenting, Italiano style. Or rather, Roman style, as my capers across the rest of the boot have been mainly limited to long weekends and painful hotel stays.

I’ve been to all of Rome’s most famous piazzas, eaten in a whole bunch of her mediocre restaurants (and a few truly remarkable gems) and I’ve hauled bambini into many a chiesa across this gorgeous city. And I’ve observed a few things about myself and my compatriots in arms. Some of which are worth sharing, either because they’re fascinating, or because they are so obviously superior to the standard American practice in childrearing that I am humbled into submission. And then there are some which are so ridiculous that I feel I must document their existence, even at the risk of unbelief.

So here you have it: How to be a stereotypical Italian Mamma:

1. There is no kid’s menu
Walk into any given ristorante or trattoria and try to ask if junior can see a special list of piati de giorno, but don’t expect to be greeted with anything other than mild confusion. 

A special menu of junk food options for the baby to choose from? No, no signora, nothing like that…but we can make a plate of proscuitto e melone or some penne con pomodoro and have it out in 2 or 20 minutes, depending on your luck.

Happy meals.

I actually don’t mind this. I have one kid who is gluten sensitive and one who would probably take a bite out of a living animal if he could get his paws on a slow-moving side of bacon, so we have a wider variety of food on our table on any given day than the average toddler set does, I’d wager. Joey has actually never had a chicken strip, and his single foray into hot-dog land ended in salty tears of rejection and a sad Costco footlong masticated and discarded on the warehouse floor. John Paul will eat anything, and so we regularly take him up on that.

Italian kids put a whole new spin on the idea of baby gourmonds though, let me assure you. Pizza with Gorgonzola and walnuts and a sprinkling of arugula, pasta with sheep’s cheese and anchovies, cured meats with smoked mozzarella and olives…and the list goes on.

The point is, the little people eat smaller portions of the same food that the big people do. Because they are, after all, little people, and not some kind of odd human hybrid made to run on PB&J. It’s a helpful practice that cannot, of course, cure picky eating completely, but that goes a long way in cultivating a broader palate on your little person. And yes, we still order french fries all the time. Because we’re not sadists.

2. There’s no such thing as bedtime

An early dinner is 7 pm. Dignified people eat at 8. Carefree and fabulous people dine at 8:30, and not a moment sooner.

Venture out for your evening passagiata and you’ll see there are children of all ages cruising the strip, Roman style in their Maclarens. Kids don’t go to bed at 7 pm here, especially not in the blinding heat of summer. Because honestly, it’s not even cool enough to hit up the park until almost 8 o’clock most nights.

It’s a regular thing to see Italian babies of all ages out in their strollers (or the few, the lucky, the hard-to-find highchairs) in restaurants all over town. Not only do they eat what mom and dad eat, but they also eat when mom and dad eat. And for most families, this is closer to 8 pm than 5 pm.

On a practical level I kind of love this. I mean yes, your kids will melt down when they’re up late sometimes and yes, circadian rhythms and sleep cycles and brain cells…but the overarching theme I detect here is: your life doesn’t stop when you have kids. Moms, you need not be banished to a string of consecutive evenings on the couch in yoga pants shoveling down some cold dinner at 6:36 pm because little peanut is sleep training and you had to get that bad boy slammed by 5:45 pm. And live to note it in his sleep chart.

I’m all for scheduling little people, don’t get me wrong. But do you have any idea how freeing it is to be able to accept a dinner invitation for 8 pm on a Thursday and know that 1. it won’t be the end of the world if the babies don’t go down till 11 and 2. you can still go out, even without a sitter? It’s magical, I tell you. And I’m a full-on believer. Well, 2 out of 7 nights a week, anyway. (Because I’m pregnant, and sometimes yoga pants + sofa sitting = pure bliss.)

3. There’s no segregated space for shorties

I am so happy you are taking me to another piazza!

Okay this one actually sucks sometimes, but it’s true, there are very few designated ‘kid spaces’ in Rome. Sure there are playgrounds, but most of them are dirty, in ill-repair, and filled with trash, pigeons, and old ladies smoking butts and shooting the breeze. In other words, they’re just like the rest of Rome!

The upshot is that kids make do. No park? No problem! I’ll just clamber over this ancient ruin and summit this marble column. You get the idea.
Our playgrounds here are piazzas filled with gelato-slurping tourists, smoking locals, and scavenging pigeons … and the not-so-occasional guy hawking polyester scarves. Sick of running around? There’s a fountain to cool off in (not technically in, mind you, but we’ve had a few near-immersion experiences).

Damn I’d like to get in that fountain. If only she’d look away for  a moment…

Feeling parched? There’s a guy selling water and beer right over there. Here’s a liter of mineral water, don’t choke. (No sippy cups either, unless you feel like shelling out $10 USD for a cheaply made model from the local Farmacia. No problem, just one fewer step between boob/bottle and self sufficiency, right?)

There are also (are you listening, Kendra?) no crying rooms. Because when your churches are this beautiful, it’d be a shame to muck up the aesthetic with a bunch of plexi-glass.
Look, no gathering space either. Who designed these places?
It’s really nice, actually. And sometimes, like last Sunday, it’s God awful. You really haven’t lived until you’ve taken your 2-year-old in and out of Mass four times, ping-ponging between rows of glaringangryglaring American! (we’re the worst at stink-eyeing parents of littles, it’s true) tourists on the inside and a verrrrry persistent gypsy woman begging alms on the outside. And it’s one million degrees and your stylish Liz Lange maternity sack is pitting out like a football jersey. But I digress.
Most of the time, it’s great when there’s no cry room because 1. no option for escape when that familiar faint-hearted feeling creeps in and 2. Well, what do you expect me to do with him? Leave? Would you like to take a turn holding him whilst he flails and pummels your torso? Just say the word…
The truth is, Italian kids go everywhere because honestly, where else can they go? There’s no space, there are no ‘activity centers’ or fun drop off daycare options. There’s just the real world. And so adults (and kids) learn to deal with each other. And, dare I say, enjoy one another at times. My boys regularly interact with teenagers, the elderly, kids their own age, and everybody in between. And to me that seems really healthy and really realistic. 
Joey and his bff+e+e Tonio, our fav barista
I have a few other less rosy observations, but this list is already on and on anon, so I’ll save that for another post. Plus, it’s strictly enforced and rarely-broken-from naptime right now. And I’ve got 2 hours of babyless freedom stretching out in front of me.
About Me, Life in Italy, pregnancy, toddlers

Cleaning House

August 6, 2013

So what do you think? Graphic design and layout are the opposite of ‘my thing,’ and I’ll never be able to justify paying somebody else to spruce up the imaginary world that hosts my tales of bodily fluids, selfies and political rants, but I rolled up my tech sleeves and dusted off the ‘ol template last night. And updated ‘About Me’ to be slightly less endless. And annoying.

I think I like it. Though I do miss seeing that tacky big ass cup ‘o coffee. Sort of. (Missed it too much, had to bring it back.)

I have to say that yesterday, on my first full day sans FB, I was a productive little housewife the likes of which has hardly ever been seen. At least ’round these parts. Books read, forts built, ice creams consumed, leisurely walks taken, dinner planned and cooked…and a full-on self mani/pedi. In the closest shade I could find to this:

at the local ‘Profumeria,’ because they were offering the good stuff for the very reasonable price of $14 US dollars and, call me martyr, but I couldn’t justify pulling that trigger. So I went with an Italian knock off and it’s a bit closer to Orbitz wintermint than I’d normally care for, but…thrifty!

One week from today, we’ll be winging our way to Denver via Dublin via Boston (don’t ask), so you best believe I’m spending this last hot week ‘packing’ (Aka throwing everything away. I think our cleaning lady accepted, among other items including-but-not-limited-to our entire medicine cabinet, my proffered  quarter pack of Camel Blues from my very attractive ‘pre-pregnancy numero 3/holy shit we moved to a foreign country without clothes dryers’ days.

Give away all the things! Throw away all the toys! The boys can share two pairs of cargo shorts between them!

I tend to get a lil bit carried away when it comes to decluttering. You might say it’s my gift. Or, if you’re my husband, you might just get really nervous about your supply of black dress socks (do you really need 4 pairs? Four?) about once a quarter.

So aside from the frantic purging, what would you guys do with a week in the Eternal City during ‘the iron of August?’ Just to set the stage for your little imaginations: it’s 99 degrees every day by 10:35 am, the buses are running sloooooow and are full of the most unimaginable aroma of the crush of humanity, and I’m 5 months pregnant and the proud owner of a wonderful and heavy double stroller.

Any ideas?

Meanwhile, I’ve got my eye on an entire toy box of c-r-a-p whose destiny is calling for a trip to the big, brown dumpster in the street. If only I can successfully sneak it downstairs…

About Me, Life in Italy, motherhood, pregnancy

My Euro Pregnancy: 20 Weeks In

August 1, 2013

Sitting here on the brink of halfway done, and I thought it was time to come clean with some photo evidence of this baby’s existence.

First, let the record show, taking pictures of yourself while pregnant is a bad idea. Unless it’s your first child, and you’ve hired someone to follow you and your husband into a field whilst the two of you clasp hands over your burgeoning belly and gaze into the future. I did that. I get that. But damn if it isn’t all kinds of embarrassing now. Joey, self-absorbed firstborn that he is, loves those images of ‘baby Joey in Mommy’s tummy right there’ so…I guess it was worth preserving for posterity? And we never took engagement photos, so you might say we were overdue for a little shame of the self-absorbed variety. Ba dum ching.
Anywho, fast forward three years and three closely-spaced pregnancies to now, and my body definitely bears evidence of having been stretched and snapped and streeeeetched and not-quite-snapped back. Multiple times. So I apologize if these images are scarring. They are to me.
toddler tilt with a Blanqi sneak peak
Buttoned-up mug shot
So I bit the big, fat, nearly $70 bullet this time around and sprang for a Blanqi, because I’ve read great reviews and because one of the creator’s sisters (thanks, Annie) went to my alma mater and because, well, I was pregnant in a foreign country and figured I had money to burn, being as there was no guarantee I’d be able to shell out for an epidural or a hospital gown. So. No regrets. Not really.
This is the first week I’ve really worn it and my thoughts so far are … mixed. Most of the perceived ‘flaws’ are probably my fault: I ordered a size large ‘extra long’ in black. So…I can’t imagine why it isn’t supremely comfortable in this balmy 89 degree 110% humid Roman summer. 

But, I rationalized to my newly-pregnant internet-shopping-happy self I’ll be pregnant in the wintertime and we don’t have a car, so black will be warmer. And more slimming. And I’d read multiple reviews warning to ‘size up’ for when your belly gets big. As for insisting I needed extra length for my 5’5″ miniature torso? I don’t know, maybe I was drinking. But one thing I hate hate hate about maternity wear is the dreaded belly creep. Whether the fabric starts migrating up or down, I can’t stand the end result. So I panicked and thus, made sure that my entire frame would be covered from shoulder to well-below-booty. Anyway, it is rather slimming. And it does feel great to work out in. At least I surmise that it will. Technically I haven’t worked out in 3 months…but that’s about to change. Today.
I’m declaring a moratorium on ‘vacation eating’ and basically breakfast carbs in general. The Italian lifestyle is no longer working in my favor, probably because I’ve cut down my daily walking to roughly 3 square blocks orbiting our apartment building, and instead of pushing my 100 lbs of toddler across cobblestoned streets for hours every day, they run around clad in diapers (or less) only and frolic under one of our two AC units for hours…and hours on end. And I lie on the couch and re-watch Downton Abbey teach a homeschool unit on pre-and-post WWI Britain.
Would you believe me if I told you my cappuccino habit were catching up with me? Or perhaps it’s the recent obsession with salami milanese. Yes, probably that. Whichever the culprit, the weight gain is a-creepin, and it’s high time to reconcile with Jillian. Or this site. Or maybe just the possibility of limiting my diet to things that don’t list ‘salt’ or ‘Nutella’ as a primary ingredient.
All and all, I’m feeling pretty good. I can still sleep however I want, which feels oddly liberating. Maybe I am carrying much differently? Or maybe I am sufficiently ‘padded’ to not feel acutely as if I am crushing baby while not-quite-but-almost lying on my stomach at night. Whatev.
I think I’ve gained around 9 lbs – maybe 10, I don’t do kilos well – at this point. But it’s all in my love handles and upper arms. Maybe a tiny bit in the appropriate abdominal region. (Thanks, Viking genes. Or whatever heritage dooms me to crushing canons for guns and the ability to lift twice my weight in offspring and groceries.)
I am just starting to feel baby move every now and then, which is a huge relief and it will be really nice to move on to googling other potential problems now. I’m sure I’ll think of some.
I’m craving saaaaaalt, salt, and more salt. Pre-popped pop corn, salami and some-fancy-central-Italian-hard-cheese-on-pizza-bianca sandwiches, regular Coke (hangs head in shame) and, oddly, cucumbers. Probably to sop all the water retention out of my poor, salt-addled body.
I’m desperate to get home the the dry, arid climate of Denver, where sweat is always purposely induced via exercise or exertion of some sort, and not the result of climbing one set of stairs. Or getting out of bed in the morning. 
And, let’s be honest, I’m a teeny bit excited for Chipotle.
We leave August 13th, so technically, I think if I don’t count today or departure day, we’re looking at 11 big ones. But who’s counting?
About Me, Life in Italy

Imports and Exports

July 31, 2013

Do you know what I have been fantasizing about for the past 3 weeks (ever since this little adventure novel we’re living took an abrupt and fascinating twist toward home)?

Super Target.

No but seriously, there’s more to life in American than vapid consumerism, and I know that now. And there’s more to life here in bella Roma than sipping cappuccinos and taking in the sights (and smells) of a summer in full swing. But all things considered, I’ll gladly swap one for the other.

I have been so blessed during this time here in Rome. And as I may have mentioned here once or twenty-seven times before, I’ve also been challenged and stretched and tested beyond my level of comfort. As I sit and type this, the shades drawn and the AC cranked against July’s last stand, I’m still being tested. Because I just said goodbye to my cleaning lady for the last time and I’m really, really going to miss her. And not just because she does my dishes for me once a week. Okay, mostly for that. But she is also a huge sweetheart. And deep cleans my entire house in 2 hours for only 20 Euros.

That, my friends, is a luxury that I never knew I was missing out on. And one I’ve actually come to rely on quite a bit. And even though it is, for some reason, far more humbling and feels much more ostentations to admit “I have housecleaning help” than “I hired a babysitter for the morning,” I think it’s one Euro-luxury that I’m going to try my darndest to replicate, Stateside. Because while I am uniquely qualified to take care of my own children (not that I am opposed to a night off now and then. Hell no I’m not), anyone can clean my bathroom…and I’m happy to pay them to do it, if the budget permits.

Another thing I’m refusing to settle for upon our repatriation? Bad coffee. And you know what qualifies as bad coffee? Anything that you can’t drink black, or with a bit of sugar. And if you have to pump flavor of some sort into it to help it go down? Fail. So yes, basically, I’ve become a huge coffee snob. Espresso for me, or a double cappuccino if the weather permits. Starbucks, we had a good run, but my forays back into your arms during our air-capades last month showed me the light: you don’t taste that great.

I’ll still be lining up for my annual first-of-Fall pumpkin spice latte, though. Because I still have a heart.

Finally, I’m really going to miss our beautiful church … and the roughly 803 other beautiful churches around the city. This one in particular:

But all the rest of them, too. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to stumble into the most beautiful church you’ve ever seen, just because you took a slightly different way home from the grocery store. But it’s also a really beautiful thing to be able to drive to the grocery store. And to have it not be the size of a Circle K. So.
Italy, you’ve been good to us. Hard, but good. I’ll miss the friends we’ve made, the espresso habit I’ve developed, and the subconscious hope that anytime I’m walking near Vatican City, I might stumble across Papa Francesco out for a surprise and unexpected public appearance. But I’m ready.
I’m ready to come home.
Life in Italy

Life’s a Beach

July 28, 2013

5 days out of 7…. that’s not bad, right? That’s like a solid C. I’ll take it.

It has been HOT here in Rome. Like too hot to leave the house between noon and 6 pm. And pretty much too hot to do much of anything else, the rest of the hours, aside from wandering up and down the shady side of the street eating gelato and drinking regular Coke. I have become a disgusting sugar addict in these past 8 months, and I’ve had mornings where I’ll happily slurp down a cappuccino con zuccharo, a cornetto con nutella, AND still eat nothing but fruit and flavored iced tea for lunch. Gestational diabetes, here I come.

We took a day trip to Santa Marinella on Friday, which involved lots of train riding, stair climbing, toddler coaxing and sand scraping…but it also involved 90 glorious minutes of being submerged up to our ribcages in the gentle waters of the Mediterranean. Joey sort of has zero fear of the water now, and happily took off paddling in a borrowed (stollen?) water ring for ‘those boats over there Mommy, imma be right back.’ 

Okay, el Capitan. But dipping your head under water every 4 minutes and pretending to drown isn’t helping your campaign to convince me that you know how to swim.

JP, on the other hand, was happier scrambling on the shore right where the ‘waves’ (this was a very protected and idyllic bay with practically zero chop) hit the sand, playing with beach toys and occasionally allowing himself to be perched, semi-submerged, in my lap. Eventually we all got burnt to hell, despite our careful re-application of sunblock and the hottest modest swimsuits on the beach. So home we went. JP spiked a fever on the train and he has been in and out of febrile madness for the last 48 hours. So, I think it’s safe to say he’s a ‘mountains’ guy.

Speaking of beachwear (we were, weren’t we?) Europeans have a muuuuuuch looser definition of age-appropriate and definitely have a different take on modesty. What I found disturbing as hell 3 months ago I am now utterly accustomed to, and, in fact, I don’t think there’s really anything all that wrong with dressing like you’re going to the beach when you’re at the beach.

Plus, I really don’t know how to say this tactfully, so I’ll say it the way I say everything else: there is something incredibly refreshing about seeing women with less-than-perfect (read: real) bodies rocking bikinis. Am I about to bust out my 2-piece circa 2008? Mmmm, probably not, but only because I have theeeee worst stretch marks on all of God’s green earth, and I would never ever feel comfortable flashing them up and down the sand.

But the cellulite on my legs? Oh, it turns out every other woman over the age of 30 pretty much has that, too. And the less-than-toned midsection that looks like it has borne children because it has…yep, everyone else has got one of those, too. So the conclusion I’ve arrived at is this: bikinis, the great equalizers! And the men don’t look that hot, either. And they couldn’t care less! What a refreshing change from the country club scene where only nipped/tucked Marilyn rocks the teeny weenie while the rest of us schlump around in tankinis and skorts that I wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing in the 5th grade. Made of Lycra. Oh for the love…

Anyway, Euro fashion…you’re growing on me.

Life in Italy, Parenting

In Which I Melt Under the Tuscan Sun

July 23, 2013

Eh, the Roman sun. Close enough.

Checking in today and doing my duty in posting for a third consecutive day, a feat so incredible it had to be recorded on the internet for all of posterity.

It’s really, really flipping hot today. In lieu of sitting around awaiting our errant AC repairman, I made the dubious decision to load up the troops and schlep down to the Vatican hood to crash Daddy’s office once again for some reverse-sauna treatments.

Regrettably, this decision was made close to naptime, and so while we were cooler, we were not all a happy bunch. About $60 worth of pasta lunch and 2 hours later, I trundled home with my sweating masses, and we were mere meters from our apartment building when bam – or rather, almost bam – a freaking Fiat making an illegal uturn in a taxi lane almost took us out. A visibly pregnant lady sweating her ass off and pushing 100+ pounds of babies and stroller.

Excuse me!! I politely screamed at the top of my lungs, followed up with a much more predictable you asshole because I am a classy non-Italian speaker, I am.

The non-plussed driver didn’t pluss, nor did any of the mildly intrigued passersby. So I grumblingly hauled babies up onto the curb and thundered onward, cursing the Eternal City.

I ducked into our favorite bar to buy 3 consolation popsicles for us to lick our almost-wounds over, and wouldn’t you know it, I was a Euro short.

Damn this backasswards country and their tax-evading mafia-protected businesses and their shady debit-card-refusing policies. I just want to buy my kids some freaking ice cream to celebrate being alive and I don’t have a witch’s coin purse full of freaking gold deblooms on hand, just this suspicious piece of plastic linked directly to my bank account so of COURSE you wouldn’t accept payment in such new-fangled form. Damn you, Italy.

But then Carlo, our favorite barista, bought my popsicle.

Italy, I still don’t understand you. Charmed at this moment, but who knows what the next one will hold.

These are the bomb, by the way.
Life in Italy, Parenting, toddlers, Traveling with Children

‘Once in a Lifetime’

July 20, 2013
Not always an uplifting phrase.

You know how when you’re a teenager and you’re not a parent but you’re completely sure that someday in a million years or so when you are, you’ll do a much better job than yours did?

Well, now I’m the parent. And even though I was thee worst 17 year old in the world, (I mean, I guess I didn’t get knocked up, arrested, or married to my high school sweetheart at the tender age of 17, so it could have been worse) I got to go to Ireland and France with my entire family + a couple of dear family friends, and I spent my precious first experience abroad bored, drunk, and generally terribly unhelpful for the entire 13 day ordeal.

Meanwhile, my saintly parents had taken 7 kids on a transatlantic misadventure and had one very, very colicky 20 month old in tow who was absolutely insistent that no-one-but-mommy, not even my father, push his stroller. If he craned his fat little neck to look back and saw anyone but mi madre at the wheel…banshee screams.

I thought about my parents a lot this past 5 days whilst we optimistically traipsed up and down the endless and multitudinous staircases of Amalfi and Atrani, Italia, dragging an umbrella stroller, 2 angry and feverish toddlers, and a big-ass overpacked metal clad suitcase (I’m really sorry, honey) because oh hell, I didn’t know we were going to have a washing machine.

And then yesterday morning, blinking blearily at each other over really, really good cappuccinos in the lobby of our emergency-booked (and priced accordingly) hotel, we had the good sense and the very blessed convenience of being able to pull the trigger and say ‘enough.’ So we went home. 3 days early. From paradise. Because our kids were sick, nobody was getting any sleep, and because we got enough beautiful pictures to prove we were there, and isn’t that good enough for this stage of family life?

And now, lying in my air-conditioned Roman apartment and savoring the not-noises of 2 toddlers napping in separate rooms and listening to the traffic go by in the street below, I think this is the best vacation ever.

We had some amazing experiences, swam in the clearest blue water I’ve ever seen, and ate some delicious calamari that can never hope to be replicated more than 1 mile from the seaside. But mostly we checked temperatures, administered ibuprofen, broke up fights, yelled at bedtimes, and collapsed exhausted into puddles of heat at the end of the day. In other words, it was business as usual.

I don’t know why I’m providing all this background except to say, look, being a parent is awesome and gratifying beyond belief and is truly the noblest calling … and it’s also awful a lot of the time. Even in exotic locales. Maybe even more so, given the heightened expectations?

Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing trip born of good timing, an available house-swap, and built up vacation hours, and I’m insanely grateful we took it. But I’m also offering the following photographic evidence with the disclaimer that ‘items in photos make appear shinier/more appealing than in reality.’

Ain’t that always the truth?

So we broke up fights,
Posed for pretty pictures,
Marveled at the charm,
counted castles,
Persuaded angry babies to stay onboard ferries,
encouraged lots of independent motor skills,
breathed relieved sighs in moments of peace,
and tranquility,
and idyllic views,
and got lots and lots of exercise.
Bribes were offered,
Church steps were ascended,
coffee and gelato were consumed,
and we all lived to tell the tale.
Looking more or less,
like the crass American tourists
That we are.

About Me, Family Life, Life in Italy, motherhood, Traveling with Children

Back in the Saddle

July 10, 2013

So.

Nearly 3 weeks off from stay-at-home mom-ing have left me flabby, exhausted, and a little bit shocked at the brute physicality this job demands. Last night, in a fit of what can only be classified as satanic toddler jet-lag, both boys screamed, alternating their tones and voices, from 8:30 until nearly 1 am. I am still not sure what we finally did to get them to sleep, but I know it involved multiple bedroom re-assignments, a situation involving the AC and a fan, an old laptop spinning Curious George flicks at midnight, and perhaps 5 bottles of milk.

My aching head is telling me that it was either a killer flashback to my first parental rodeo, or I got all kinds of crunk last night. (This baby bump I’m sporting is pointing to A.)

All 6 Senour cousins, in birth order. (We’re tapping our next youngest and recently-engaged sister to provide #7, cause Lizzie and I need a b-r-e-a-k.)

I am so grateful we had the time with our friends and families – it was too short, it went too fast, but it was so much fun. And while I can’t say why yet, coming back wasn’t half as hard as I’d expected. Rome seems almost pleasant in these first few days back on the scene, half asleep in the sweltering summer heat and nearly emptied of tourists. They’ve all gone to the beaches, and so will we next week, to a charming little town on the Amalfi Coast called Atrani.

What do you think, worth the train ride/bus ride/hike?

While it still doesn’t feel like home here, there is a familiar ache as I take in the beauty of Rome, and a realization that our time here, while sometimes difficult and always fraught with Italian bureaucracy, is fleeting. Will my kids remember that we did this? I think Joey will, but I’m sure John Paul will not. Perhaps he’ll taste something years and years from now and it will jolt his memory and he will become somehow subconsciously aware that he has eaten octopus before, and that he loved it. Or maybe I’ll just have to show them the pictures I really need to start taking again, because cell phone cameras don’t really do life justice.

Whatever memories they escape with, I will always see Rome as the place where I became a mother in a fuller, more painful, and more exquisitely demanding sense. Now that I’ve had a few weeks’ worth of love, support, and practical assistance with my blonde wolf cubs, I realize the magnitude of the task of raising them, essentially, alone. I mean obviously Dave is here in the evenings, but all day every day, it’s me. No daycare, no gym play area, no mom’s groups, no understanding friends with their own cubs willing to swap out for a quick trip sans bambini to the grocery store. I’m on, constantly. And it is almost debilitatingly exhausting. But it has also made me so strong.

We flew, counting our connecting flights, on 12 different airplanes over the past 2.5 weeks. Sometimes JP had his own seat, but usually not, and so he was perched atop my 16 week baby bump for the duration. 6 months ago I could never have done something like that. But I was a younger mom, and a less chiseled mom. And while ‘chiseled’ is not a word I expected to use in my self-descriptive vocab anytime in the next 1 million years or so, it’s perfect for explaining this transformation in what I’m able to do and what I can handle now, as a mom.

Would this have happened if we’d never left the States? I’m sure it could have. I have dear friends whose husbands medical school schedules or demanding jobs require far more of them than what’s been asked of me. But I don’t know what other circumstances in my life could have made for this perfect training ground to toughen me up, and to ready me for my life-long career in motherhood.

So Italy, for whatever it’s worth, thank you. You’ve been the hard place I’ve been slamming up against all these long months, and it really has made me stronger. But if you want to add AC onto those trains and buses of yours, I won’t turn my nose up.

Stronger, but still not a sadist,

A mom.

Life in Italy, Traveling with Children

26 Hours Later…

July 8, 2013

We’re home in Rome, we’ve all survived the most whirlwind travel schedule of all time, and the baby just pooped on the floor. I have so much to report and so much to ponder, but first I need a lukewarm shower in our phone booth stall and a cold glass of prosecco on the balcony.

My toddlers are better travelers than your honor student. If I had a car, and I were a bumper sticking kind of gal, that would be my tag.

Ciao for now.

Life in Italy, motherhood, Suffering, toddlers

Carpe this Diem

June 6, 2013

Latin isn’t Italian…but it built it’s linguistic basement.

Which is helpful as a Catholic who has been quietly absorbing root words and linguistic building blocks her whole life, unknowingly. So yes, maybe I sound really, really stupid when I surprise everyone at the market (myself included) by uttering the Latin word for ‘pepper’ when I’m hunting for jalapenos…but it gets the job done.

Anywho, I had a sort of mini-epiphany this morning, whilst hanging laundry on ye olde drying rack, the busy morning commute rushing by 4 stories below me, and St. Peter’s Basilica looming on the horizon, always in my peripheral when I’m out in our ‘yard.’

It occurred to me, perhaps not for the first time but kind of for the first time, if you know what I mean, that we live here.

Like, hot damn, we live in one of the world’s most beautiful, historic, epic, highly-trafficked and most sought-after travel destinations…and I have spent the past 5 months alternating between resenting it and enduring it.

I give myself 1,000 meters of slack (metric system, holler) because oh my gosh has it been hard living here with children. And the bureaucracy is insanity incarnate. And for an extremely type-A choleric who thrives on efficiency and competence…well, it’s a special kind of ugly.

But…but…we’re here. And for the foreseeable future, this is home.

Now, I don’t begrudge myself one single second of the grief or annoyance I’ve felt these past 5 months, because it has been hard. as. hell. I’ve essentially started over, at the tender age of 30, in a country whose language I don’t speak (well) and whose customs and machinations are ever so unfamiliar. And with a growing pack of mewling toddlers underfoot. So yes, props to me for surviving, no regrets, et cetera et cetera…but enough.

I’m done hating Italy.

Let me be clear, I’ve never truly hated it…but I have most definitely hated what it is not: convenient, orderly, predictable, fair and just, safe, and familiar.

Putting all that aside, there are a few things which my new land is: beautiful, chaotic, historic, mysterious, and filled with some of the most crazy-interesting people I will probably ever meet. Or at least observe from a safe distance.

So from today forward, (and allowing aaaaaaample room for regression, backtracking, pregnancy-induced sobfests over retail unavailability of this-or-that baby item) I’m all in.

I can’t control a single thing here except for my reaction to this life that has been assigned for me to live. I can’t even really control my children, as Mr. I’m-totally-potty-trained-nevermind-just-kidding-suckers has me convinced. But I am not a victim of living here. And I am not the insecure, timid, angry and overwhelmed woman I feel like a lot of the time here.

So I can’t speak the language well? Well, time to start putting in more hours with Miss Rosetta Stone in lieu of trolling the internet for scraps of familiar comfort. Especially considering how very much I’d like to be able to (convincingly) ask for an eventual epidural 6 months from now, and for my cervix to be left alone during all future pre-natal appointments. Despite feeling otherwise, I am not, in fact, an over-sized child at the mercy of Italian-speaking adults.

Well…

I have let so many things happen here which I would never have allowed back home. For one, I’ve become that annoying foreigner who is constantly mentally referring to life ‘back home,’ which a sweet friend and fellow ex-pat strictly warned me against when we were still in the starry-eyed planning stages of this adventure.

“Don’t be that girl who is always throwing around ‘well back home we do such-and-such,’ because nobody will want to be friends with that girl. She isn’t really ‘there,’ she’s just putting in her time until she gets back to her real life.”

I may not be doing this out loud, but I’m definitely doing it on the inside. It’s the reason I always sit by myself at the park. It’s the reason I’ve stopped accepting new invitations from mom friends or potential mom friends who come across the radar periodically. I don’t have time to invest in that relationship or that event, because I won’t be living here forever, or simply my Italian is so bad it isn’t worth trying to make a non-English speaking friend.

Well shame on me. Except I said I wouldn’t shame myself for my largely excuseable but no longer acceptable behavior here. So never mind.


The simple truth is, I’m here now, and for who knows how long. So I might as well be here. And not in a resigned, long-suffering way, but in a bright and engaged and, dammit, a cheerful sort of way. Pope Francis was totally not expecting to live in Rome, either, but I’d say he is handling it rather well.

And after all, it’s a blessing that we’re here. That any of us are wherever God happens to have us at the moment.

So I am going to carpe the shit out of the diem. (Mom, I promise I don’t swear this much in front of the grand kids in real life.) I am going to borrow a sort of detestable but applicable phrase from the effervescent Kelle Hampton and suck the marrow out of this experience. 

Because what else can I do? I’m here. Rome’s here. And all this pasta…well, thanks to a mild lifelong aversion to the stuff, I’m finally experiencing one of those magical, mythical ‘skinny pregnancies’ where the first trimester passes but the scale remains stationary.

So Rome, I’d  like to start fresh. I’m new in town, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve got to offer.

I’m all in.