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Abortion, Catholic Spirituality, Culture of Death, euthanasia, Parenting, Suffering

An Advent to Remember

December 4, 2014

This year has been…whew. I mean for us, personally, it’s been filled with ups and downs, suffering and joy, but nothing major as far as hard things go. But for this weary world of ours, I just feel such a heaviness. It seems like every time I open Facebook it’s a constant stream of tragedy, and each news cycle brings with it fresh anxiety and mounting dread.

For the past four years my job as editor of on online news aggregator meant that I spent hours each day coming the www for stories touching on life issues and bioethics. It was, I’d estimate, 90% negative. Taking in that kind of horror daily wears on a person. And while I’m thrilled to share with you guys that I’m stepping into an exciting new role (details to come soon. Promise.) I’m definitely still feeling the weight of all the awfulness I’ve waded through, especially this last year.

And I realized something else today, too; I’ve gotten pretty good (scary good, really) at forgetting something terrible 14.5 seconds after I’ve clicked the link/read the story/sent the donation. It’s almost a sort of disassociation that I’ve developed, probably to protect my finite human brain (and heart) from the infinite stream of tragedy and horror that filters in every second of every day via the airwaves. And this without even having cable.

I skimmed past a link on somebody else’s page yesterday and saw a thread of discussion still active from late October – October! – about Britanny Maynard and suddenly my mind and my heart were freshly jolted back to the horror of waking up on the feast of All Saints to discover that she had, in fact, taken her own life.

I was so shaken by that story. And then…I moved on. Ebola, Ferguson, Bill Cosby, Syria, Ukraine, babies in sewer pipes and young fathers murdered in cold blood didn’t leave me with the mental or emotional stamina to keep processing her death. Or even to remember it 5 days after it happened.

I don’t want my use of technology to strip me of my humanity.

And I don’t want to overload my brain with so much horror that I lose the capacity to feel, deeply, the sting of loss, an ache at acts of evil, or real sympathy in the face of suffering.

I was thinking that in addition to the mild smattering of efforts we’re making as a family to consecrate Advent as a time of waiting in joyful hope, I could also bring my heart to bear on those stories from this past year that will give our weary world the most cause to rejoice when He comes.

For the next 3 weeks, I’m going to try to recollect one story each day from the past year that broke my heart, and offer the little sufferings and inconveniences of that day for those still hurting in connection with those stories, if that makes sense. So for Robin Williams’ family. For the young wife and mother whose husband is gone. For a city burning and roiling in turmoil. For a mama whose girl’s days on earth are numbered.

Surely I can do this small thing in an effort to bring some meaning to all the suffering we’ve witnessed this past year, and to hold these families and individuals up in prayer as we prepare for the Baby who will save us from ourselves.

If you want to join me, my plan is to simply scroll through my Facebook page and my browser history each morning and select a story, a situation, a loss…and then to make that the focus of the day. I’m confidant – sadly – that I’ll have no trouble filling up the next 21 days or so.

This isn’t meant to be depressing, but redeeming. I really feel like I’ve lost something in my rabid consumption of news and media, and I’m hoping it isn’t an irrevocable loss.

May your Advent season be filled with joy, anticipation, and deep empathy for those who are most in need of Bethlehem this year.

euthanasia, Suffering

Relatively speaking, we have a problem here

November 8, 2014

As everyone on the planet with an internet connection or cable service now knows, Brittany Maynard took her own life last weekend, on the feast of All Saints.

Everybody has read the story by now, and the web is teeming with predictable banter from all sides.

How very brave

How very sad

She did a noble thing

What a waste

Brittany is no longer here to defend herself, and so her real motives lie with her in her grave, unknown to everyone save for her Creator and His creature. We who hope in a resurrection must commend her to the arms of her Father, seeking His mercy for her life and the choices she made.

But those of us left behind have some explaining to do.

Namely, how can a culture so uniformly horrified and saddened by another very public suicide only a dozen weeks earlier have pivoted so efficiently and entirely 180 degrees?

Simply put, this is the tyranny of relativism, the reality of living in an age where intentions and feelings rule the day, and where my version of reality can be entirely different from – and largely irrelevant to – yours.

Except that’s not how it really works. Defy gravity without a parachute and you’re still going to fall. Even if you call it liberated plummeting, or something like that.

Swallow some prescribed lethal medication, you’re still going to end your own life, even if you’re calling it by another name.

When we create our own reality, we write our own rules to live by. And to die by. But rules without the authority of reality behind them are just empty words. I can shout “I am the president of the United States” while standing in my kitchen all day long, but my children are not going to morph into members of Congress.

Since the day Brittany’s story broke, the media fell all over themselves christening her as brave and noble, lauding her vulnerability and her heroism. Why? Because she followed her heart.

And in her heart, she believed that a life lived in suffering and diminished by disease was not a life worth living. 

Thus, the media had their new darling of the moment, their temporary “it girl” repping the culture of death. It’s always a temp position, because the turnover is so frightfully high. In fact, even now, less than a week after her death, it already feels passé to reference her.

Next drama, please.

That’s the problem with a culture so caught up in ensuring everyone has their own interpretation of right and wrong…it doesn’t leave any room for reality.

Ironically, the case du jour is another young, pretty girl with brain cancer. But this girl is fighting and living with her disease, spreading a message of joy and raising awareness for particularly underfunded pediatric cancers. Her name, of course, is Lauren Hill. And once again, the media is calling her brave and showering her with praise and interviews.

But wait…Brittany was also brave. But for ending her life. Now Lauren is brave, but for choosing to live hers to the full…so what gives?

That this stunning contradiction disturbs virtually no one covering the news is a telling sign of how far gone we are as a civilization, that we can wholeheartedly (and in all earnestness) give a standing ovation to a woman who kills herself because she has brain cancer and then turn around, not even a week later, and give a standing ovation to a woman who doesn’t kill herself because she has brain cancer…it’s mind boggling.

But, but…it was her personal choice, they say. And it was her freedom to end her life, to end her suffering. And Lauren has that same freedom, and is choosing to exercise it differently, to live her life to the end, enduring her suffering. This is true, of course. But the critically important distinction is that they can’t both be right.

It can’t be brave to kill yourself and to choose to live in the face of unimaginable suffering. That’s not how the universe operates.

Those are what’s known as opposing realities. And if we had the collective capacity to think logically and reasonably, the difficulty would be obvious. But because we are, all of us to some degree, enslaved to that spirit of the age, relativism, we are somehow capable of entertaining wildly opposing realities in our addled brains.

Enough.

It is not unloving to speak of good and evil, of wrong and right.

What is unloving is to pretend that all options are equally weighted, that all choices are equally valid. Do you know what the consequences of that are? School shootings. Child pornography. Domestic abuse. Sex trafficking. Cutting.

But we can’t speak of that. We can’t speak of the reality that some things are right and some things are wrong, for fear of offending or alienating someone. But then tragedy strikes, and we sputter and struggle to make sense of it, to demand consequences for the perpetrator and compensation for the victims, all the while realizing that we don’t really have a leg to stand on, because we’re the ones spouting nonsensical buzzwords like tolerance and non-judgement.

We ought to be intolerant of evil. We out to make swift, sure judgments on actions and behaviors which are fundamentally anti-human and therefore, utterly wrong.

To do any less is to reject the fundamental call of Christianity, to love thy neighbor as thyself.

Let’s practice authentic, life-giving love. Love that is willing to suffer, to be mocked and scorned, and to be rejected by a society utterly captivated by death.

The ruins of Auschwitz.
(photo credit Katy Senour)

31 Days of Writing with the Nester, Abortion, Catholic Spirituality, Contraception, euthanasia, Homosexuality, Marriage, Pornography

I’ve made a mistake. Now what?

October 11, 2014

One thing I’ve realized in writing my way through the Church’s teachings on love and sex and marriage, is how many people out there have found themselves in the oh-so-familiar position of begin on the wrong side of those teachings.

In other words, having sinned.

First off the good news: YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE WHO EVER INHABITED THE PLANET, the Blessed Mother excluded.

Including me.

Oh, how very much I belong in this camp. The camp of regret and heartache and anger and remorse and resentment toward God and a Church that would ask me to not do the thing which I had just done, because it would hurt me. And then it did hurt me. And so I was doubly mad.

So where does that leave someone who has sinned?

Well, hopefully, in line for confession.

Honestly, it’s that simple. And it’s that difficult.

The practice of reconciliation is essential for the health and wellbeing of any successful relationship. How much more essential is it to our relationship with God? And how much more effective?

Catholics go to confession to repair the relationship between the Creator and the creature. We go to admit (and this takes humility) “I screwed up. I did the thing you warned me against. And I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again. But You have to help me.”

And you know what God says, every time?

I forgive you.

Read the account of the prodigal son in Luke’s gospel and you’ll get a perfect, simple and profound explanation of the Sacrament of Confession.

But, but, you might be thinking…my sin is too great. God can’t handle the magnitude of my screw up.

Yes, He can. The same way He’s handled it for every other sinner and saint (often one and the same) who’ve roamed this earth. There’s nothing He can’t handle.

God can handle abortion.

God can handle a sexual homosexual relationship.

God can handle an extramarital affair.

God can handle prostitution.

God can handle vasectomies and tubal ligations.

God can handle an IUD.

God can handle the Morning After pill.

God can handle sex trafficking.

God can handle a pornography addiction.

God can handle abuse.

God can handle divorce.

God can handle murder.

And God can handle you.

There’s nothing you’ve done He can’t (and won’t) forgive, if you are willing to come to Him and ask for it. And that’s the entire premise of the Gospel right there, isn’t it.

He died for you. And He rose again for you. And He founded His Church to help carry you to Him. And He entrusted the Church with His laws, with His best plan for your life. And every time you stray from that plan, He’s ready to welcome you back.

Every time.

So if you’ve had an abortion, do not despair.

If you’ve cheated on your spouse, do not give up and walk away.

If you’re addicted to pornography and want so badly to believe the cultural lie that it’s harmless and healthy and completely normal…listen to the small, still voice in the back of your mind that’s telling you differently. And come to Jesus. He longs to rescue us from our sins.

The reason the Church teaches anything about anything at all is out of love. That includes in a particularly powerful way Her teachings about sex and marriage.

The “rules” and the “restrictions” are all there to protect us, and to call us back into relationship with God when we fall short.

And we all do. All.of.us.

That doesn’t mean the Church is wrong.

Pornography reaching epidemic proportions doesn’t mean the Church is wrong.

Birth control being practiced both in the pews and by the culture at large doesn’t mean the Church is wrong.

Abortion on demand available in most places and for any reason doesn’t mean the Church is wrong.

Homosexual relationships being recognized as marriages in 31 out of 50 states in the US doesn’t mean the Church is wrong.

And the idea that you did x or y or z or even all three together and you might as well just accept yourself as “that kind of person” and walk away from Jesus because He doesn’t want you and He doesn’t accept you and His Church sure as hell doesn’t want you around…

That’s dead wrong.

The Church is your home. Jesus Christ crucified and resurrected is your savior.

And if you’ve screwed up a hundred times, He is all the more your savior.

Sometimes the more a soul has suffered, the more a soul is capable of loving. And the more profound the conversion to holiness. Think of St. Paul. Think of St. Augustine.

It’s never too late.

“Catholic doctrine and discipline may be walls; but they are the walls of a playground.” -G.K. Chesterton

 

Culture of Death, euthanasia, Marriage, Suffering

Suicide is not dignified

October 10, 2014

So there’s a lot of crazy stuff trending online this week. Lots of pain. Lots of suffering. I hope you’ll forgive this slightly tangential but definitely related contribution to my 31 days series.

One of the saddest things I’ve read is the story of beautiful Brittany Maynard. 29 years old. Newlywed. Terminal brain cancer. You’ve probably read her story. If you haven’t, I’ll give you a minute to click over. Then go ahead and read this and this, while you’re at it.

She’s really sick. She’s been given a death sentence, basically. And she has, in the face of unimaginable suffering and terror, decided to take matters into her own hands through the hands of her doctor and end her life via assisted suicide rather than face down the specter of the unknown.

On some level I get it. She’s been given this horrific prognosis and has been told in exacting detail how heinous her suffering will be. The interviews she has given paint the picture of a woman used to being in control all her life, and her doctors have told her she will inevitably lose that, along with her life. Who wouldn’t be afraid?

What I’m mostly struggling with is the reaction to Brittany’s story in the media, and on social media.

Scrolling through the comments on the pieces I’ve read about her this week I’m most struck by the pervasive sense of fear and, God forgive me, cowardice imbued in so many of them.

We put animals down when they’re in pain, humans deserve the same right.

It’s a basic human right to have the chance to die with dignity. (Dignity here being defined as controlled, on one’s own terms)

I hope I’ll be that brave when the time comes.

Good for her, she deserves to choose the hour and the day.

While my heart is breaking for Brittany and her husband, I can’t help but feel sickened and enraged by the massive outpouring of support for the proposed suicide of a fellow human being. This woman has announced to the world that she intends to kill herself in order to avoid the tragic, wasting consequences of her hideous disease, and the world is cheering her on.

Listen, this is madness. This is evil incarnate. This is the very epitome of the culture of death. 

In celebrating her “right” to end her life, she is being used as a pawn to advance an agenda that claims to bestow “dignity” and “compassion” on circumstances already fraught with suffering and pain.

This woman is dying. She quite possibly is suffering from mental illness from the effects of her disease on top of it all. And we’re racking up likes and shares all over social media, gushing about bravery and compassion and strength.

Is this the same culture that mourned the death of Robin Williams en masse just last month? Was his suicide not heralded as brave because his illness was depression and not cancer? How has the conversation pivoted so dramatically in such a short time?

This woman is walking in her final weeks, perhaps her final days, and rather than serving her in her time of greatest need, the world is clamoring to hasten her demise.

There is nothing compassionate about giving someone the tools to end their own life.

But we live in a world that recoils from suffering, that sees no meaning in the cross.

Brittany’s life has meaning. And her death will have meaning, too. Christ crucified and resurrected guarantees this.

But to celebrate death, to tout death as the cure for her terrible illness…it is the least humane of all possible options. And her husband, her poor, brokenhearted and newly-wedded husband. He is standing by his bride’s side and watching her announce, to the world, that she’s taking her own life before cancer can take it from her. And he’s cheering her on.

It’s not supposed to end like that.

I am not judging Britanny Maynard. God knows she is carrying a heavy cross, and I pray that she will experience a change of heart and a conversion to Christ. But I am judging a culture that would jump up and down with excitement at the idea of a person having the right to choose the moment and the means of their own death and would call it brave.

That’s not brave.

May God have mercy on her and on her family. And may her husband recall his wedding vows, freshly pledged, promising faithfulness in sickness and in health.

Don’t do it, Brittany. Every moment of your life has meaning, and your suffering is not in vain. You have a right to be here. Every moment of the life you have been given is a gift, and nobody has the right to take it from you.

Not even you.

Abortion, Bioethics, Contraception, Culture of Death, euthanasia, Evangelization, Women's Health, Women's Rights

7 Quick Takes on the Decline of Western Civilization

May 3, 2013

Hell of a week, y’all. Can’t say I’ve been particularly proud to be an American while reading/covering the news from home this week. Are you sick of seeing this on Facebook/Twitter/blogs yet? Well me too. But the truth must be revealed, even (and perhaps especially) when it’s ugly. Because the only way to defeat evil, ultimately, is to expose it to the Light.

Is the news morbid, depressing, and defeating at times? Hell yes it is. But you know what? You might assume that everyone is already aware of this or that depressing/horrifying/shocking/infuriating situation, but you’d be wrong. The reason things like Kermit Gosnell murdering hundreds of breathing, born human babies and getting paid for it in a licensed ‘medical’ facility continue to happen is because people aren’t aware, or if they are, their consciences aren’t sufficiently formed to feel horror at the scope of evil we’re dealing with.

And that’s where we come in. To bring the message of the Gospel, yes. But also to denounce the anti-Gospel. To stand up in a crowded room and identify something evil as exactly that: evil.

Does that word make you uncomfortable? It should. It is the antithesis of what it means to be fully human, an impoverishment of our God-given nature. And it’s real. And it’s destroying souls and families and nations today, just as it has for a thousand generations beforehand. But lately, it seems, we’ve become deaf and dumb to its existence. And suddenly every kind of depravity and attack on the dignity of the human person is re-branded and repackaged as a ‘lifestyle choice’, a ‘deeply personal decision,’ or the laudable evidence of ‘diversity.’

Lies. Calling something evil ‘good’ does not alter reality. And committing murder of human beings using surgical instruments doesn’t make it medicine.

So hold on to your butts, readers, because we’re going to pull back the curtain and look evil in the eye. And we’re going to spit in its face and expose it for the rest of the world to see.

1. The Gosnell Trial. Horrifying, mind-numbing, and completely over-saturated by media coverage, at least on my newsfeed. But I inhibit a particular little corner of the internet where I see a lot of coverage of all things bioethics-related. So I trust that there are still plenty of people out there who don’t know about the man who systematically murdered hundreds of unborn and born children at his filthy ‘medical’ facility over a period of decades, employing the assistance of unskilled and untrained staff members and disposing of the bodies (or keeping revolting trophies, as some serial killers are wont to do) in the most inhumane and gruesome manner. Vom now or vom later, the choice is yours.

2. Live Action President Lila Rose’s latest undercover video investigations, ‘#Inhuman’. She is a boss. She is in her early 20’s. And she is braver and more intimidating and effective than any single politician or investigative reporter on the planet. Live Action has dropped 3 shocking videos this week. None of them are shocking for what you’ll see. There are no gruesome pictures. All of them, however,  are shocking for what you’ll hear:

3. The first details the willingness of late-term abortion facilities to murder accidentally-born babies should the procedure fail,

4. The second provides evidence that abortion ‘doctors’ routinely break federal law in order to deny medical aid or resuscitation to failed abortion victims,

5. The third includes a step-by-step description of how a baby is dismembered inside the uterus (or sometimes outside, after birth) and how the remains are sent out to funeral homes (even though they’re not human?) It also has some chilling footage from a Senate hearing in Florida of Planned Parenthood’s view of the human person, and of their own perception of their role in the abortion business.

6. Fox News’ correspondent on the O’Reilly factor didn’t seem to share my opinion of her. Though she didn’t seem able to form a coherent sentence, either. And had some weird facial tics going on, so I don’t know, maybe she was on something.

7. The FDA’s (and the President of the United States) endorsement of statutory rape. The Morning After abortion pill is now available OTC to children as young as 15. Who are, according to federal law and common decency, protected from sexual exploitation by statutory rape laws in every state in our nation. But just in case you get one of them pregnant, no worries, you can easily send her down to Walmart or CVS for a powerful dose of the dangerous and potent drug Levonorgestrel and bam, problem solved. 

I find it deeply ironic and more than a little disturbing that the President is himself father to two teenage daughters. But remember, this is the same man who doesn’t want them ‘punished with a baby.’ Best make the Morning After pill available to teens then, to make certain the cycle of destructive behavior and precocious sexuality our young people are enslaved to continues to spiral out of control. Hell, why not officially endorse it?  

So there you have it. Depressing, disgusting, and oh-so-necessary to share until there is no filthy, darkened corner for this madness to hide in. Mother Teresa, who surely saw more filth and depravity in a day than the average human being could stomach in a lifetime, tells us we must ‘be the change we wish to see in the world.’ And so we must.


If you’re still reading, good on you, solider. Head over the Jen’s to have some peace restored.