Catholics Do What?,  Culture of Death,  guest post,  Homosexuality,  Marriage

“Love wins,” they say

Today feels grim. So much hatred pouring out in my newsfeed. Ironically it’s all directed in the name of tolerance, progress, and love.

Love. I don’t think that word means what they think it means.

I wasn’t planning on writing anything at all today, and honestly, I feel too emotional to touch it just yet. Luckily I came across this beautiful, charitable, and deeply true piece by Mary, who blogs at Let Love Be Sincere and is also pregnant with her 4th sweet baby. Mary and her husband, Aaron, are raising their beautiful bi-racial family outside of Detroit, and will soon be adding a little estrogen to the mix. And, ah, they have a little firsthand experience with what actual intolerance looks like. Thanks for sharing your story today, Mary.

Wilkersons Spring 2014 38

This is what my husband wrote on Facebook a few moments ago…

“This decision does not affect me personally as an individual. The way that is does affect me is being a Catholic father raising 4 children in the 21st century. What does today’s decision mean in terms of the world my 4 children will be raised in, one different than the one I came up in?

One of the best things that God gave us is free will, a very powerful gift. However, that gift came with boundaries. To me, I think that the message to my children is that there is the Law of God and the Law of Man. Previously, the two intersected and there wasn’t much of a difference.

Now, they are farther and farther apart from each other and that gap appears to continually increase. One is static and won’t ever change for our benefit and the other is relative and changes with the culture. Today’s decision is a large victory for the Law of Man. It allows people to make their own choices as they see fit for them. I don’t have a problem with that.

My hope is that the Law of Man stays away from the Law of God. My hope is that people do not try to now go into churches and demand that churches marry same-sex couples. Much like churches respect the legal system, even though they may not agree we need to keep the legal system outside of churches whether they agree or not.” – Aaron Wilkerson

My husband is and will probably always be the smartest men I know … and his words perfectly articulate how I and so many others feel about the Supreme Court’s decision today. I didn’t have a strong opinion on what SCOTUS would do; if anything, I knew things would swing this way. But as so many people celebrate, I find myself terribly worried.

I am worried for my children. I hope that the many people who are celebrating today will remember to respect our family’s decision to define the Sacrament of Marriage as different from Legal Marriage. Truth be told, I am not confident that will be the case, and that scares me, for my children … more than I can articulate.

After I heard the Supreme Court decision, my eldest was having a meltdown (someone is always having a meltdown around here.)

So I held him in my arms and rocked him, it was a perfect moment. He was looking up at me and I was looking at him and we were quiet.

It lasted about five minutes, which, at his age, is a lot. As I held him, looking into his eyes, I found myself almost moved to tears with anxiety about how I will raise him in this world. Raise him to know his faith, and to live his faith.

Raise him to stick to his convictions and to our Faith’s understanding of marriage, and sexuality… raise him to always treat people with love and respect, even if they see things differently than we do.

But then I see my Facebook newsfeed flooded with words like bigot, others in an almost hysterical frenzy to describe people like me, people who don’t really care what the government decides to do, but who want to make sure my faith will always be permitted to hold to it’s convictions surrounding traditional sexuality and nature. And I worry, such very real worry, that even his very life could be at risk for holding to those views in a matter of time.

Reactionary? Maybe. But how I’m feeling? Certainly.

And I do think, in case you are wondering, of my gay friends, some of them with children, who are probably looking at their children today, gazing into their eyes and feeling a hope for them that they have never been able to feel before. I know that my worry to them seems silly, as they soak in the joy of what they see as an advancement of culture today.

So, I guess, like Aaron, I just have to hope that maybe this country of ours will at this point in history actually live the words of Christ correctly, the words to “Render unto to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s”- Mark 12

The fear is that it never really works out that way, historically.

Maybe this time will be different.

And so, today, I will continue to pray for love to be more prevalent in the world: real love, good love, love based on sacrifice, the denial of self … the only love that has ever really brought about authentic happiness. His love.


  • [email protected]

    This is perfectly perfect. Your family is gorgeous. Your fears are real, however, and I join you in your worry. I pray and pray, but do not mistake that the way this nation is going, it will come to violence against those who believe in God’s word, and in His plan. Christians and conservatives are already being sued for following their beliefs in the workplace, and pretty much everywhere else. How long before legal action no longer satisfies? They have destroyed many businesses and livelihoods already.
    And where does this collide with the rising tide of Sharia Law? To me, the liberal agenda is about to collide with itself in a horrific way. We shall see.

  • chrisr

    Let nothing disturb you,
    Let nothing frighten you,
    All things are passing away:
    God never changes.
    Patience obtains all things
    Whoever has God lacks nothing;
    God alone suffices.

    — St. Teresa of Avila

  • Natalie

    I found out a few months ago that the priest who married my husband at I had been carrying on a consentual relationship with a woman for a few years, meaning that when he presided over our wedding Mass, he was violating his celibacy vows–vows that the church and community claim to take very seriously.

    We all make mistakes but this was a priest who seemed so pius and preached non-stop about the “overreach” of the current administration every week at Mass. This was a man who spoke out against SSM and who worked very hard to make sure that the church’s stance was heard. Yet all the while, he himself was going against the very institution he claimed to represent. Very, very difficult to come to terms with this, both personally and in the greater context of my religious faith.

    Unfortunately I think these things happen often enough. I struggle with the church’s position on gay marriage because in some cases, it seems that some church leaders are themselves compromised when it comes to human sexuality.

    • Rosemary

      Have you not realized that even priests are tempted? They are human and imperfect. In fact, because priest are out there in front, the leader of your parish, preaching God’s word, they are going to be even more tempted! The devil is going to throw everything he has at them to try and make them fall. Just as he did Jesus. And guess what? Sometimes they give in. Is it wrong yes, are they still priests, yes – they are “married” to the church and they violated their vow. Take a look at all the pastors and preachers that have gotten “caught” over the years! The devil knows full well where all our weaknesses lie. (For the record, the percentage of Protestant preachers having an affair or getting caught sexually molesting a child are actually much higher than priests – but, we are the One True Church and the devil knows that, that is why it is so sensationalized in the media) It is not any different than if you or I violated ours? We still believe in the sacrament of marriage, but we were tempted and the devil pushed and pushed and we fell for it (hypothetically, I hope) We all doubt, we all question, if we did not, we would not be human, but at the end of the day – Thank God – we can go to confession and be forgiven!!!! It is the same for the priest – they have to confess their sins too! So at the end of the day, in our examination of conscience, have we and do we do things that violate our vows? Does that mean we should no longer be a husband or wife, NO! Should that priest not be a priest? No. We do and say things everyday, that violate God’s law and man’s law and Church law – should we stop being Catholic? Again, no. Our perfect and divine Church is filled with sinners and imperfect people. But oh praise Jesus!!! How exciting it is that we can go to God and be forgiven!!! Have you ever read “Theology of the Body”? If you have not, I highly encourage you to do so, it really puts into perspective our purpose here on earth as men and women – i am Catholic by choice, but it took me a long time to accept all of the church’s teachings because I was a spoon-fed child of the feminist movement of the seventies, believed it all, hook,line and sinker – it took a while and God’s love and patience to weed all that out. TOB – can help with that, when I read it, it was like my eyes were opened and my world suddenly “tilted upright” and felt right for the first time! Will keep you, your priest and church in my prayers!!!

      • Cami

        Rosemary, I SO resonate with your experience. I too was brought up with feminist influences in my household all while being involved at church. Very confusing as parents can be so influential, more so than (in my case) a wimpy youth program. And Theology of the Body was my saving grace. It inspired my metanoia, my reconversion. So praise God for the gift of TOB! It’s what made me feel right too. Finally, I felt an understanding of our Lord, a deep desire to know him, to do loving things for him, to accept love from him, and be the woman he designed me to be. And seek a man seeking him. I am ever grateful for this gift of better understanding my purpose. Completely.Life.Changing.

      • Ari

        “It is not any different than if you or I violated ours?” Actually, when priests violate their vows, it is VERY different than if you or I violated ours. “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” – James 3:1 They live public lives, they ARE held to a higher standard. It is hurtful to the body of Christ when anyone violates a vow, but when priests do it, it is especially egregious, whether it’s a consensual, gay, straight relationship, or God forbid, when they abuse someone. That is what is so scandalous about the “priest scandals.” These are people who preach the truth and live it MUCH more publicly than the rest of us. There is a greater level of accountability. Yes, the devil attacks them more, and we are all called to the same morality, but it is NOT the same. I hear you, and I feel for you, Natalie.

      • Natalie

        I don’t fault the priest at all, actually. I think it’s completely natural for him to want that lifestyle for himself. He has presided over so many beautiful weddings that one has to wonder how he could not want that for himself. He is a younger priest and gave the BEST homilies that I have ever heard. I looked up to him so much. I’ve always been a pretty reluctant Catholic, but I really looked up to him and admired him, and I still do. When my husband and I were having a hard time, all I needed was to sit in church and listen to this priest talk. He had a lot of wisdom and I really miss him — no one knows what happened to him after it became known that he was having a relationship.

        I feel conflicted. But more than anything, I wish he would come back to our parish. He was a heck of a good priest. I pray that he comes back someday, but if he decides that perhaps married life is for him, I totally support that as well.

  • Jacqueline

    I needed these words of grace, encouragement and wisdom today. They have soothed an anxious soul that is tired today after a sleepless night spent looking deep into my soul and deep into the future, wondering many things. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Patty Blackwell

    I have to thank you and your husband for the words I have been trying to say to get my point across. You have a lovely family and faith. May God bless and keep you all close forever.


  • Rachelle

    Thank you for sharing this! I felt the same way with all this colors and the news a lot of people are so happy and I dont want to feel bad for their happiness its just deep inside I felt disappointed or even sad. The consequences scares me, so thank you very much. Let’s pray for everyone.

  • Maria-Louise Reck

    Wieso will das 21, Jahrhundert der Feigheit frönen und im Kitsch landen
    Hallo all Ihr Lieben !

    Lieber Gaudentius!
    Die Kirche, meine christlich Katholische, hat dort Anschluss gefunden, wo nach den Normen des 0,815 gemessen, gelebt und gestorben wird. Dies lehrte mich zu erst die Ausstellung meiner Bilder mit dem Titel: „Der Mann im Strom der Zeit hat sich zu bewähren!“ Es zeigte sich, dass die Katholiken sich zurücksehnen nach der großen Zeit der Renaissance oder es besteht eine große Sehnsucht nach dem Abstrakten, Absoluten und Gegenstandslosen der Zukunft. Diese marschieren im Gleichschritt auf den Parallelen der Perspektive und am Fluchtpunkt vorbei in die Unendlichkeit. So sind sie dort nicht ewig, sondern unendlich. Somit siegte jener falsche amerikanischer Komparativ „time is money!“Wir bewegen uns auf der Perspektive des Zeitalters Plus und Minus in das Zwei-Fall-hafte. Hat meine Kirche Sehnsucht nach dem Zweifelhaften des formlosen Kitsches? Da der Homosexuelle niemals im Kitsch seiner Doppelung eine Einheit zu vollbringen vermag. Wir vom 21. Jahrhundert wissen doch, dass in der Homosexualität keine Vereinigung stattfinden kann; der Versuch ist ein Kitsch. Wir sind doch heute so weit, dass immer weniger Kinder gezeugt werden. Allmählich ist es so weit, dass Kinder in Vergessenheit geraten werden. Beim Geradeauslaufen wird schließlich das gefürchtete Heulen und Zähneklappern stattfinden.
    Mich will die geschwungene Peitsche des Kitsches dieses Jahrhunderts in die Homosexualität treiben. Diese ist die äußerste Station des Kitsches. Der Albert Christoph Reck sehnt sich nach einem Platz in der Ewigkeit. Tatsächlich beschuldigt das 21. Jahrhundert uns Katholiken ein Flair des Kitsches zu besitzen. Jedoch sind die Homosexuellen die Feiglinge des 21.Jahrhunderts.
    Im Lande des falschen Komparativs und des „time is money!“ ist die Gleichberechtigung von Ehepartnern und homosexuellen Bindungen bereits eine Realität. Diese Gleichberechtigung wird sich zu einem horrenden „Misch-Masch“ auswachsen. In diesem Misch-Masch wird es einst keine Ehen noch homosexuelle Bindungen geben, alles wird gleichgestellt. Am Ende werden schließlich alle Männer erlaubt sein mit erregiertem Penis die Erde zu bevölkern.
    Da hören wir Jan Jaques: retournée a la nature. Diese bevorzugte Verbindung nennt sich dann Ficki ficki. Kitschies aller Zeiten und Nationen: “Es kommen herrliche Zeiten!“ Equo ne credite teucri !

    Vive le Roi!
    Albert Christoph Reck

  • Kristy

    Thank you for your story. The only good thing to come out of this situation we find ourselves is that although it seems that so many people are for this decision, I am finding many more, albeit quietly afraid and saddened by this day. The voice of the majority is kept quiet by the fanatic few. I too am worried about raising my children in this world, and so every day I place them in our blessed Mother’s care, knowing she will protect them with her intercession.
    We are with you in prayer for each other for this is a time of great prayer and our Lord will hear our cries to Him. As faithful children, we will be held in His arms through this and He will never leave us orphans. May God be with you and with us all in the days to come.

  • LMAF

    Thank you for a beautifully written write up. I feel your pain and your concerns are valid. It’s scary that a child who is still forming their worldview from their parents are going to be faced with a conflicting worldview outside of the home. A conflicting worldview that has the power to drastically change the life of the child and family for the worse. However, as Christians we take solace in the words of our Lord Jesus, thus “So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:26-28, NRSVCE).

  • Carolyn

    Thank you for this post. Jenny. It is exactly my thoughts, even down to “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s…” But of course you write with charity and love. This is the first and probably the only post I’ll read on this topic because of the tidbit I’ve seen in comment threads on FB. I don’t need to know anything more. WERK, girl. And I hope you’re feeling good still. I LOATHE summer pregnancy

    • Jenny Uebbing

      Wish I could lay claim to it but it’s all Mary Wilkerson of “Let Love be Sincere” – I’m too frickin huge to tap out anything this charitable or eloquent. but yeah, her piece was about the only thing I read up until last night. What a sh*tshow social media has been.

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