Seriously, I’ve been thinking what’s lacking around these parts lately is that je ne sais quoi that makes a mommy blog a mommy blog. Readership cannot thrive by pure intellectual stimulation alone.
So in an all-time low I present to you a rousing rendition of “what’s in my double wide shopping cart?” I mean, aside from the sample drippings and chubby, flailing limbs.
Here it goes.
Without fail, every time I hit up everybody’s favorite warehouse store (on average, once every 3 weeks), the following 5 times make their way home with me:
1. A crate of San Pellegrino. $13.85 is kind of pricey for 12 sparkly bottles of water, but then you do the math on what 12 bottles of wine would cost in terms of actual dollars and expanded waistlines resulting in yet more clothes shopping, and you will throw that bad boy on your under-cart shelf (along with possibly throwing out your back) faster than you can say ‘Lenten happy hour.’
2. A million dollar package of delicious USDA select steaks. But there’s a catch: see those 4 steaks pictured above? Well I can wave my magic butcher knife and voila, they will yield about 10 actual, recommended portion sizes for adults. Think that sounds crazy? Yeah, I do too. 4-6 oz of steak doesn’t look like much on your plate. But when you’re slicing it thinly for salads, mixing it in with roasted onions and peppers for fajitas, or just straight up grilling it to eat with a few veggie sides, it’s enough. And it tastes so good, so much better than average grocery store meat! So I drop around $28 on a single package at the beginning of the month and then, we eat steak. I can’t stand the taste of cheap beef, which brings me to my next favorite…
3. A triple pack of Kirkland’s Best organic ground beef. Is $18 for 5.5 lbs of ground beef stupid? Yes, yes it is. But it tastes like shredded steak, and it is delicious, and my family is content to eat meat 4 times per week instead of 7, so it’s really a win/win. Aside from the summer-long meatzapolooza of burgers on the grill, I generally only use ground beef for meatloaf, tacos, taco salad and ragu sauce, so all of those are stretchable meals that can make a pound of ground flex to feed a crowd.
4. Moooooving on. In our #4 spot we have a 2 lb brick of whatever cheese the boys are fancying this week. (Nothing yellow at the moment will cross their lips. Who even knows?). I usually buy Tillamook extra sharp cheddar because it is delicious and you can hack quarter pound slices off the end to eat with your glass of red wine and the log remains the same giant size it was when you unwrapped it, but since this month is all about temperance and abstinence and suffering, I let them pick boring old monterey jack, and the store brand at that. But the takeaway lesson is this: you do not need to buy shredded cheese, ever. Unless it’s fresh parmesan, and then I totally absolve you because that is hard to shred and ain’t nobody should be consuming the rancid powdered stuff from a can. (I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to educate the uncheesed masses of America. Put down the green cans. It’s not real.) What I’m saying about cheese is that it’s super super super affordable if you’re willing to do your own shredding.
5. Last but not least, the lovely leaves. A boring 6-pack of Romaine lettuce that lasts through one million lettuce wraps and dinner salads. $3.29 for 6 heads of lettuce? Hell to the yes.
Happy shopping, card holders. And don’t forget to keep your receipt out when you exit.