motherhood,  pregnancy

Snapshots of a SAHM

This week. Oh, this week.

It’s Wednesday, which is technically the halfway mark, but dammit, it’s Thanksgiving eve and Dave got home from work early and I’m calling the game. Did you hear that, universe? I’M CALLING THE GAME.

So I’m nesting like a mother loving emperor penguin up in here, and every last thing that Target has to offer for under $10 is fair game. Fair game, I say. Get in my cart.

Some background information, before we go any further:

These are my exterior children, in race cars crafted from humidifier boxes. I was proud of myself on the day this occurred. (If you enlarge the picture to better glimpse my huge, pregnant upper arms, I wish you ill.)

 Before we go any further, this is what I look like right now. I feel like this excuses me from a whole host of  societal constraints and cultural norms. Like not photographing your nearly naked children in cardboard boxes and calling it a ‘craft.’

Besides, we’ve been trying to eat well.

Heck, we even took a field trip to the aquarium after breakfast one morning. This fish may or may not be dead on my kitchen counter right now. My sister’s fiancé abandoned him here to die before the holiday, so be it upon his head if Fire has passed into eternity.

But where was I? Oh yes, Target.

This, for the record, is what my local Target looked like at 5:45 pm this fine Thanksgiving eve:

That is a tent. With grown ass men camping inside of it, in anticipation of the EIGHT PM OPENING TOMORROW EVENING.

May God have mercy on us all.

Moving on.

Before hitting up Satan’s giant red bullseye, I wandered into Home Goods where I snagged this pretty jute rug made in India for the reasonable song of $19.99:

How legit does my office look now? Practically business chic.

Target yielded these little golden beauties, confusingly titled “dimensional wall applications,” which look kind of cool but make my husband a little nervous. For $9.99 I probably could have made them myself out of tissue paper, for that is their composite. But. But…I never would have. And thus ended every argument for buying crafty shit made in China and pre-assmebled at some big box store anywhere, ever.

And now, some gratuitous shots of my favorite places and spaces in the house right now:

My uncluttered and simple bathroom counter. Sparkling clean, thanks to the flip side of my nightly makeup cleansing cloth.
Our medicine cabinet, divested of all but the daily necessities. My mind feels cleansed just looking at it.
Relatively freshly manicured toes + this year’s jingle jams from Costco + a new, fluffy bathmat that, as far as I know, has never been pooped on by a human being.

I hope that tomorrow finds all your turkeys trotting and all your Thanksgiving dreams coming true. And I hope that none of you are planning on doing a lick of shopping to mark the day. A pox on grey Thursday, and merry feasting to all.

(For whatever it’s worth, I don’t know what in the hell is up with the formatting of this post but I’m betting on all my shetland ponies that you people don’t come here for graphics and/or design. C’est la computer illiteracy.)


  • Anonymous

    A Happy Thanksgiving indeed! Two things: first, the man in Starbucks had it right (not that we doubted), but you’re a lot harder on yourself than the rest of us! You look fantastic. Second, I am so glad to read that someone else wipes their counters down with backside of makeup remover pads. Simple pleasures. Enjoy the time spent with family this weekend.


    Oh, how you make me laugh! I love it. Especially the boys-in-boxes (one of our favorite games) and that gorgeous rug from Home Goods. I stop in there fairly regularly to look at their rugs because we have all wood floors in this place and barely any rugs to soften them. I actually scored in that department a couple of weeks ago; maybe tomorrow I’ll swing by to see if they have the one you snagged. Happy weekend!

  • Mary

    I’m sorry to keep commenting, but a) you’re hilarious and b) my mom does that same back-of-the-makeup-pad trick and c) I’d give my right arm for a rug that’s never had poop on it. And if I lived within 200 miles of a HomeGoods we’d be broke. Stay shopping my friend.

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