In the spirit of having survived to week 37 (almost!) with both mother, exterior baby and interior baby intact, may I present the following 7 nuggets of evidence that standards of best practices in parenting have lowered severely:
1. Joey ‘signed’ something at mom’s group yesterday, eliciting approving comments from another mom who informed me that he was signing ‘I want.’ Well, great… he must be self instructing! Next up: unschooling. (and yes of course I pretended it was on purpose. We are alllll over language enrichment in this house)
2. Above mentioned toddler has learned to fetch and administer mommy’s flip flops, which is both adorable and timely. At least one of us can reach my feet. Now on to making coffee…
3. It has been 70+ degrees here in the Mile Hi all week, leading to long, leisurely afternoons on our back ‘patio’ (read: distressed concrete slab) where I lazily toss a toy basketball into the weedy depths of our perfectly unmanicured yard and await its return. In other words, I play fetch with my human child.
4. Scene: lunchtime yesterday. Chicfila cashier: ‘Would you like to make that a large?’ Me: ‘Oh, sure…(shooting furtive glance at Joey) we’re sharing.‘ (no waffle fries were shared. Not a one)
5. Wore a mumu to the gym, essentially, and may or may not have turned off the entire women’s locker room to the prospect of continuing the human species when I flashed a little pregnant bell while struggling into my hot hot HOT maternity tankini for some pool time.
6. It’s Friday. During Lent. While contemplating packing a meatless lunch for Dave, I’ve instead decided to inform him it would be a great thing if he did a real bread and water fast today. Because I am out of tuna, and out of ideas. (But really, always seeking his sanctity)
7. My little sis came over with a bottle of wine last night, and we spent an hour of our lives (non-refundable) watching “Sick, Fat, and Nearly Dead” which was exactly as enlightening and uplifting as it sounds. Should have gone with the Bachelor season finale. Womp womp womp.