7 Quick Reasons I’m Dying of Excitement

That it’s Friday.


Gotta get down on Friday… (I’m sorry. My brain is broken though. This has been happening every week for the past year, and I think it’s terminal. Also, there’s a fun commercial for meth at the beginning. You’re welcome.)


1. Hunger Games. OMGOSH I feel like I’m 13 and it’s Star Wars, digitally remastered, all over again. And I wasn’t even home schooled. Saturday morning matinee, come swiftly…

2. In a profound act of artsy hippie mothering, I am having my huge-ass pregnant belly tatted up with henna tonight by my doula, because it’s part of her pre-birth ‘services’ and because I could not look worse so why not let someone trace flowers and vines over my stretch marks.

(In case you don’t recognize half the words in that sentence, don’t worry about it. And don’t look them up. Just watch this … or revel in blissful ignorance. Whatevs.)

3. Exterior baby is having what is properly termed a ‘language explosion’ over the past 24 hours, and has added to his extensive vernacular 4 tasty new phrases:

“I’m Joey”





Totally ready for public school.

4. I have my last (please God) midwife appt today (see above embarrassing video) and am hoping against sweet merciful hope that I’m under the 2 century mark on the ‘ol cattle scale and that I’m imminently close to finished cooking this bun. Absolutely refuse to schedule one single more appointment. We’re done. Done, I tell you.

5. It’s the 2 year anniversary of ObamaCare! Whooohooo! Nancy Pelosi wants to know what you’re doing to celebrate this ‘momentous achievement 100 years in the making’ …. Well, what are you doing? Us? We’ll be cashing in our government entitlement checks to buy cartons of cigarettes… and super-sizing it, because hell yeah it’s on Uncle Sam! (Note: labor and delivery are, of course, not covered. Breeders don’t deserve health care. Duh.)

6. Lent

7. Is almost over. And in a curious reversal of what usually accompanies the Octave of Easter, I plan on shedding 45 lbs and drinking many, many glasses of red, white, purple and all other varietals of wine I can get my slender paws on. Okay, maybe not a complete reversal…

Happy Friday! Now go see Jen.


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