Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Things You Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

"You look like you're ready to pop!"

"Wow, you're going to have your hands full!"

"So how dilated are you?"

"No baby yet?!"

"Was it planned?"

"Hope it's a girl so you can be 'done.'"

"When are you due again?"

"You're all belly! Except the water you're retaining in your face..." (thanks, mom)

"Wow, you look uncomfortable."

and the pièce de résistance: "I'm pro choice." Uttered by an unsuspecting and bafflingly British state rep who came politicking to our porch last Saturday afternoon and was outlining his platform for my polite husband.

Hoisting Joey onto one sizeable hip, I waddled out front and calmly informed him he 'probably had the wrong house' and then asked him which of my children he thought more deserving of the choice to live, the exterior or interior. He beat a hasty retreat punctuated by nervous English laughter...

9 comments:

  1. Way to make him eat his words.
    I'll add a couple of my personal favorites to your list:
    "When is your baby coming?" (like I really know.)
    "I can't wait for your baby to get here already." (YOU can't wait?!)
    and the always witty: "You're fat."

    Why can't people just comment on a mom's wonderful glow and say that they really are all belly? The world would be a much happier place.

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  2. You're awesome, Jenny.
    AND for the record, pregnant women are the most beautiful out there. No lie. I won't accept any other opinion on the subject :)

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  3. so so true. it's amazing the things people say.

    last year when i was 7 months along with my first, i was with a friend who was 4 months along with her third (all back to back pregnancies) and, understandably, she was bigger than me. would you believe that a woman said to my friend: "you look like you're ready to go first!" it was so awkward & i felt SO bad!

    personally, i think women are the most beautiful when they're pregnant!

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  4. omg.

    Amen.

    No matter when I'm due -- 3 weeks or 3 months away -- I always say my due date is 'yesterday' to perfect nosy strangers. Shuts them up right then and there.

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  5. The nerve! I always get HUGE when I'm pregnant, but I guess you could say I'm just VERY pro-life :)

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  6. good for you!!! I am glad you said something to him and for the record I firmly believe people shouldnt be allowed to talk at all to pregnant women unless its using a preapproved script of compliments or asking if they want a second helping of (fill in favorite dessert here)

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  7. Urg. These are awful but so, so true. The waitress at my fave milkshake place asked me last night if my "OB had done an internal during my last appt." What the what? Geez, lady, spare me some dignity why dontcha.

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    Replies
    1. oh gosh...there's just nothing I can say...

      at a milkshake restaurant?! Is there no decency anymore...

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  8. What you said to the doorknocker? PERFECT.

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