Perhaps, gentle reader, you have already seen this lovely piece extolling the virtues of habitual masturbation over on Foxnews.com, but if not, I offer you the link with a hulking grain of salt.
Newsflash: Sometimes things that feel good are bad for you. Like smoking, or driving 20 miles over the speed limit, or killing that idiot who cut you off in traffic only to make a sudden left-hand turn without even signalling. Come on, you know you've experienced that unholy surge of rage accompanied by the fierce compulsion to let go the wheel to extend your longest finger...
But let's be honest, we've all wanted to do things we know we shouldn't. Things that are bad for us. Emotionally, physically, spiritually... the world is full of temptations that are not necessarily conducive to the well being of the human person. It's almost as if the world wants us to fall. Hmm...
Anyway, back to the idea of acting on impulse, and the curious phenomenon whereby Science* (aka Secularism) is trying its damnedest to strip any remaining vestiges of morality from our culture in an effort to liberate and enlighten a world darkened by the oppressive hierarchy of organized religion. *(Capitalized for effect. And because it is appropriate to capitalize major religions.)
It (masturbation) feels good. We (the experts, aka the high priests of Secularism) have a vested interest in keeping the vast populace (us) enslaved to their disordered sexual desires (sex sells, idiots.) Therefore, we will banish the unseemly concepts of modesty, chastity, temperance, charity from the vernacular... they're bad for business. And virtuous people are more difficult to influence; (read: harder to control.) No thanks, we'd much prefer the slavering hordes of adult children lining up obediently to buy our latest product. Amoral, addicted, and harboring an insatiable appetite for pleasure on-demand, the average grown up these days has about as much self-restraint as a toddler still incontinent of both bladder and bowel.
Which is why it has become necessary to justify the various and sundry ways in which we disregard natural law on a daily basis. And sometimes, the universe throws us a bone by attaching some kind of benefit to disobedience. Like a reduced rate of prostate cancer in men who masturbate as frequently as 5 times per week. Great, well how about the man who is aroused by viewing pornography? Or child pornography? Should his use of such be justified in light of the overall health benefit which regular masturbation may yield to his prostate? I mean, he's not hurting anyone else, right?
Masturbation destroys the ability to love selflessly, turning a person's focus completely inward in an insatiable quest for ever-heightened levels of pleasure and climactic release. If, in fact, this is the intention for our sexual faculties, than surely there are better ways to get to orgasm than heterosexual intercourse. Like why not mutual masturbation? Why not sex with a machine, with an inanimate object? That is basically the level that the spouse (oh, excuse me, partner) is reduced to during selfish sex.
But sex is supposed to be selfish, yes? It's all about my pleasure and my experience. The other matters little, if at all. Which is why masturbation has become an acceptable and even celebrated practice in healthy, mature adults. And adolescents. And oh hell, why not? Even children.
I mean, kids will be kids, and they're gonna do it anyway, right? Masturbation is the ultimate payoff for very little effort or sacrifice. And it promotes a healthy sexual appetite, right? And people with healthy sexual appetites generally have healthy appetites for other things, too. And they are used to getting what they want, when they want it. So by all means let us encourage this behavior by promoting the alleged incentives, ensuring that the vast populace remains complacent and cooperative, slavering in stupefied sexual satiation, unaware of the freedom that chaste living might afford them. Unwilling to even consider such a foreign concept. Unable to comprehend the mystery and the dignity of their own sexuality. And blissfully ignorant of the vested interest we have in keeping them in the dark. Literally.